I just arrived back in San Diego from Iraq. I have to say it was a hell of a trip. I made a good group of new friends. I learned a little bit about myself. I learned patience, which I thought would never happen.
I spent a huge chunk of time sitting in Iraq thinking about what homecoming would be like. Did I still have a home? Would seeing my husband hurt me? Would I feel comfortable with my kids? My head was buzzing on that horrible plane ride home. I was in anxiety overload and couldn't sleep, eat, or think straight.
When I got off the plane, I saw my husband and I felt nothing. No hate, no love, nothing. I care about the man, but I am definitely not in love anymore. I saw my kids and I felt a tingling in my chest that I hadn't felt in a long time. I could FEEL again. GOD I missed that! My heart started pounding again and I could feel a whole flood of long lost emotions running thru me! It felt good.
I spent my first night sharing drinks and conversation with my husband. It was nice because there was no obligation to try to do anything other than get a good buzz and go to sleep. Even though we are splitting, there is no reason why we can't be friends, right? He agreed. So that eased my head a little bit.
Today he will be moving out. I am anxious and also relieved. It's gonna happen, so why not see it as an opportunity to start new, right?
Alot of my worries have been relieved, but I can only expect there will be more to come...
Well, off to shop. It's gotta happen! I haven't been out in public for so long!