Confirmation

Yesterday was a screwed up day. First, I find OTHER WOMEN'S clothing mixed in with mine. All size 10. Again, I am not, never have been, and probably never will be a size 10. So I bagged it up and threw it out. I passed it off and didn't think anything of it.

Then, while putting my car in the garage, my neighbors asked how I was doing and said they weren't sure how to tell me that my husband had another woman LIVING in my house while I was gone. Again, I thanked them for welcoming me home and passed off their accusations as that of "nosey neighbors".

Last night, my son came into my bedroom while I was putting clothes away and told me he knew what was going on and was scared to tell me because he was afraid I would get mad at him. After reassuring him that I wouldn't be mad at HIM, he told me that he woke up one night because he heard alot of noise from his dad's room. He said when he looked in the room to see what was going on, he saw his dad having sex with someone.

He said her name is Michele.

My heart sank to the ground and broke completely in half.

I am well aware of the fact that people cheat. And as mentioned before, the less I knew, the better. But to blatantly expose MY CHILDREN to it is just cruel.

I have always suspected (and confirmed) in many cases that Jeff was unfaithful. I guess as long as I didn't know it for sure (or at all) it couldn't get to me. As long as I had a marriage, I was good. What really burns me is the fact that my 9 year old was exposed to it.

Imagine the confusion he must have felt. And now, because of his father's selfish escapades, how will he see relationships in the future?

My husband lost yesterday. Not only does he no longer have me (not that I am a prize, but at least I am loyal) he no longer needs to be around his children. It kills me to do it, but there's more to the story...

As you may gather from previous posts, he dumped me in Iraq while I was on deployment. That is tough enough. I went numb and kept telling myself that it can't hurt because that is weak. My kids will need a strong mom when I get back, and emotions can be set aside. He did give me the courtesy of bringing the kids to see me when I got back and then gave me a ride home.

When I got home, I almost threw up. My house was trashed. The yard is completely destroyed. And, he was in a hot ass hurry to get out as soon as possible. The man is a coward. He dumps me over the phone, then, only moves stuff out when I am not here. He may think he is sparing me pain, but he isn't.

My whole world when I left here wasn't perfect. Not by any means. But seriously, did it have to become one of those "dirtiest houses in America" deals? The house was neglected. I can only assume the kids were neglected. And when he emailed me and told me that the dog may need to be put down, it was because he didn't want to take care of him. Ass and booze apparently are more important to him than his own children.

He lied to me. He told me how hard it was to balance work, kids, house, etc as a single parent. This is not something that is new to me. I didn't for 4 of his deployments and functioned just fine. He made up alot of stuff and even dumped his kids at day care all day and all night just to be with this other woman.

I have to say, I am disappointed. I expected him to be a good dad. Husbands are never permanent, but you are always a parent. He was a crappy husband, and a bad parent.

As per usual, I will be left ALONE to clean up the mess, fix the kids, and be the responsible one. As far as this failed marriage goes, it has always been ME who has been responsible. Never him. He has always forsaken his marriage, children, life for sex and alcohol.

He has put me through 9 years of emotional trauma that I hope I can mend someday.

I truly know how it feels to be crushed.