Saturday, May 17, 2008

Mini meltdown...

Today my whole world came crashing down on me. I have worked since January to make myself better. I dropped like 30 pounds and feel pretty good. I still have the body of a woman with 2 kids...stretch marks, etc...but i feel good. I just submitted information for a promotion. Not that I will actually get it, but it felt good to put it all together and send it off for consideration. I have been given a lot more responsibility at work and have been doing a great job (many people have told me).

So, part of my job requires being within height/weight standards. I have fasted, worked out, everything to try to make sure that I could be within those standards. Just when I thought I was good...just when I thought I may have a chance to actually do good, someone see's me happy and proud of myself and decides that they need to knock me down.

I worked for months on a certain goal based on my height of 67 inches. I have been the same since I gave birth to my son, even though my weight has fluctuated. I worked so hard for it only to find out that I am now an inch shorter. So, basically my goal was bullshit...and so is all of the progress I have made. I feel like a complete and utter failure.

I have decided that I will win. And if I actually do lose, as least I had given a good fight. I'm not sure what else to do now.

Part of me says just to give up. The other part of me says don't go down without a few good punches.

I need help. I'm not so sure if those are parts or VOICES!

Wish me luck. The few brain cells I have left really can't take failing any more!

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